Skeletons
by MissingMommy
Summary: "It's wrong and cowardly; and if there's one thing that Susan is, it's not cowardly. So she hides the scars and the truth from her parents, knowing they will be angry if they knew she fought and suffered." one-sided SusanTheodore


"_Skeletons"_

Susan stands in front of the Memorial Wall, staring at the names with glazed eyes. So many people lost their lives fighting in the two wars. Hundreds of names line the wall, etched in the marble so nobody can forget what the war took from them – from her.

Most of her family's names are on this wall, her aunt and uncle and grandparents – people that she'll never meet or see again. She wraps her arms around herself, trying to see that she's not the only one that lost so much because of Voldemort. The other names on the wall mean others feel the same way that she does; the way she probably always will feel.

She hears footsteps approaching but she doesn't even feel the need to draw her wand. There is no such thing as "friend or foe" in a time of peace; there's only the _broken_ and _hurt_. And she's sure if the person wants to view the wall, they are _hurt_ and _broken _like she is.

Without saying a word, the new arrival just stands next to her, staring at the wall. Susan thinks she prefers the silence because it doesn't make it hurt. Speaking makes it real and real makes it _hurt_. And she doesn't wish this kind of pain on anyone, but a part of her knows that every person that has a name on this wall feels the same kind of pain.

"Who did you lose?" Susan finally asks, breaking the silence. If she's left to the silence much longer, she won't be herself. After all that she's been through, that's the one thing she doesn't want to lose – herself and her beliefs.

"My mother," the person answers. "But I lost her well before the war so she won't be on this wall."

Susan is quiet for a moment. "It doesn't make it any easier," she says. And she knows it doesn't. It must hurt as badly as losing a person to a killer. She can't keep her curiosity to herself. "If she isn't on the wall, why are you here?"

"To remind me why I should've changed my ways earlier," he replies.

Susan's heart stops. She knows exactly what he means. Before she can stop herself, she turns to see who she's facing. Beside her, Theodore Nott stands with hands in his pockets, staring at the wall intensely. "You _helped_ Voldemort," she accuses. It's the first time that she's said Voldemort's name without fear lacing her voice. After everything, she's no longer scared.

He hears the tone of her voice and turns to face her. "Not exactly; not in the way most did," he says quickly. His tone is laced with regrets. He regrets making excuses in his head about what his father was really doing; regrets the pain and suffering his father caused; regrets not being brave enough to fight for the right side. But he knows that he's a Slytherin, through and through. He's cowardly, _weak. _But above all, he's only loyal to himself.

Susan turns away from him. She doesn't want to be near a supporter of Voldemort anymore. It's painful and she doesn't want pain. She wants happiness and joy, but most of all, she wants her family back. But that will never happen because of Voldemort and his supporters, because of Theodore's family.

Before she can get too far away, Theodore grabs at her wrist, locking it in a tight grip. Susan struggles to get her wrist free. "Let go of me, you monster!" She nearly screams. He drops her wrist in surprise and she clams a hand over her mouth. _He didn't kill your family. He didn't kill anyone_, she chants to herself to remind her that he's not responsible. "I'm sorry. Bad memories come with touching," she explains softly; her voice is soft as she meets his blue eyes.

And it's true; she hasn't been the same since the beginning of her Seventh year. Too many times, the Carrows have grabbed her wrist to restrain her so the others can torture her. Too many times she's been tortured by the Cruciatus curse for supporting Harry Potter. Her own mother can't even hug her without Susan being reminded of the pain and hurt that comes with fighting for the right side.

"I deserve it," Theodore tells her. He knows he does. "A lot of families were torn apart because I didn't want to see the bad that Voldemort was doing." It's true. He wanted to be blind to the hurt and the suffering that Voldemort caused. But now he wants to see what Voldemort really caused because it might make him a better person.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't know what Voldemort was doing. It might not hurt as bad," Susan whispers. "But then I remember that I'm not the only one that was hurt and it's kind of comforting. Because I know if other people can make it through this, I can too."

Theodore smiles at her. "You can make it; you're strong."

It's the first time in a while that Susan smiles and she somewhat misses it. But Theodore can't help but to want to make her smile again. "Thank you," she nods her head in his direction. "Are you going to the memorial ceremony later?"

His smile fades. "No, I'm not going to be welcome there." He may not have chosen sides, but he might as well have – being neutral is like empowering Voldemort. "Are you?"

She shakes her head. "I don't like big crowds. They kind of freak me out." He laughs lightly and she glares at him. "What's so funny?"

"I never thought anyone could be frightened by anything after fighting this war," he tells her.

Her glare fades and she laughs lightly. "Well when you put it like that, I guess I'm not like most people."

"No, you're not," he murmurs softly. If she isn't standing so close, she might not have heard it. But before she can say anything, he changes the subject. "Are you coming back to finish Hogwarts?"

They both know that their Seventh year wouldn't be classified because of the Death Eaters teaching. Susan looks up at the wall, pondering the question. "I don't think so. There are too many bad memories here for me to make better ones. When I look at Hogwarts, all I see is the nights that I got detention and the times I couldn't save the other students."

"I admired Dumbledore's Army's bravery during this year. You all were the only ones brave enough to withstand the torture to protect and bring hope to the other students," Theodore admits. "A lot of the students that didn't join were given hope that Dumbledore's Army would protect them from the Carrows."

"But that came with a price," she reminds him. "I can't be touched without reminders of the night where the Death Eaters wannabes tortured me until I lost consciousness." It's the first time that she's told anyone the reason why she can't be touched; she hasn't even told her parent yet. Mainly because her parents didn't want her fighting in the first place – not after they lost her aunt and uncle and grandparents.

But her parents don't understand _why _she needed to fight, _why_ she couldn't be a bystander. She refuses to empower Voldemort by standing by and watching her friends fight for the right cause and died for their disobedience. It's wrong and _cowardly_; and if there's one thing that Susan is, it's not cowardly. So she hides the scars and the truth from her parents, knowing they will be angry if they knew she fought and suffered.

Theodore looks at her, lost in her own thoughts, knowing that she's hiding. "You haven't told your parents what happened here this year," he states.

Even though it's not a question, Susan replies anyways, "No. I haven't. They lost so much that they didn't need to think they would lose me too." She doesn't know what they would've done knowing the torture that she's been through this year. "And I'm never going to tell them."

"That's a terrible burden to carry all by yourself," Theodore tells her softly.

Susan glances up at him. "I know. But everyone carries a burden and my parents don't need to carry mine for me."

He looks down at her. "I admire your strength," he whispers. "Just don't go through alone. A burden like that just might kill you."

She nods, "I have friends that understand. I'll make it through this some way or another. Don't you worry!"

"I don't doubt it," Theodore murmurs softly. But this time she doesn't hear it. Saying goodbye, Susan turns on her heels, heading towards Hogsmeade. "Susan!" he calls out. "Maybe we can have coffee sometime." He's not sure why he offers but there's something about her that draws him to her.

Turning around, she looks him over. "Sure. That sounds good. Owl me later," she smiles. He watches her walk away, smiling to himself. He glances back up to the wall, looking for the people that she lost. He sees her family's names on the wall and he wishes that he would've realized the error of his ways sooner.

;~;

Theodore receives an invitation to her wedding. As he reads the cursive writing, he doesn't understand why she sent this to him. _Doesn't she know that I love her_? He questions his self.

So instead of replying, he throws the invitation in his desk drawer and tries to forget about it. But no matter how much he tries, he can't help but to think that he should be the one that she's walking down the aisle to.

In spite of his original plan, he shows up to her wedding, dressed in his best dress robes just so he can see her one last time before she can never be his again. The music plays and he stands with the rest of the guest. Her father is at her left, leading her down the aisle towards the man that will become her husband.

And Theodore notices that she is glowing, radiating happiness. Despite wanting to leave, he stays and watches as the couple says their vows, forever promising themselves to one another. Even though it hurts to know that she found happiness in someone else, Theodore can't help but to think that it doesn't matter who makes her happy; it only matters that she is happy.

At the reception, Theodore stays far away from her as possible. Not because he wants to, but because he needs to – otherwise he will do something completely _stupid_ like kissing her. He's about to leave when Susan approaches him. "Dance with me," she requests; though to him it sounds more like a demand.

He's never been one to deny her what she wants, so he nods. He's about to congratulate her, when she says, "I'm surprised you showed up."

"Wouldn't miss the happiest day of your life," he replies, spinning her away from him before pulling her close. It's true; no matter how much he hates that she's not his, she's still a friend. And missing a friend's wedding is unacceptable.

"I'm glad you came, though. It means a lot to me," she tells him. He doesn't know what to say without accidently spitting out his love for her, so he remains silent. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be happy," she corrects herself. "You helped me overcome that burden and I can never repay you enough."

"That's what friends are for," Theodore reminds her. "To help you through the bad and help you create the good." She smiles at him. "Besides, he's a lucky man to have you."

She laughs. "No, I'm the lucky one. He doesn't care about my past. He only cares about my future."

He wants to argue _he's supposed to care about your past; he's supposed to love everything about you, not just the good. He's supposed to love the bad, too. _But he doesn't because it would upset her. Instead, he says, "Good. You should have someone who cares about you." _Someone like me_, he mentally adds. But he knows that she's never looked at him in that way, even as they had coffee dates – well, he thinks of them as dates but he's sure she doesn't.

The song ends and her new husband cuts in. Theodore bows to Susan and kisses her cheek, "Congratulations, Susan." Susan giggles and Theodore's heart soars. But before he can say anything foolish, her husband sweeps her away. He watches her for a moment before turning on his heels and leaving.

Once at home, reality sinks in. He pulls out the Firewhiskey and wonders how he ended up in this moment – loving a girl that he will never have. But sometimes the heart falls in love with the wrong person and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

;~;

"Theo," Susan calls out with happiness. It's been a few weeks since he last saw her, but she's growing bigger.

"You're so much bigger," he tells her honestly, "but still looking as beautiful as ever."

She rolls her eyes, obviously not believing him. She places a hand on her stomach. "I just can't wait to have her. But that's why I wanted to talk to you." He furrows his eyebrows. "We've been talking and we want you to be Hannah's godfather."

"Why me?" is his first question. "After everything I've done, why do you want me to be her godfather?"

"Jonathon asked that too. I'll tell you what I told him. You helped me through the roughest time of my life. You've changed and you weren't even a Death Eater. You didn't cause all the pain and suffering people went through. If you could see the errors of your ways, you will make the best role model for Hannah," Susan explains. "Besides, I couldn't think of anyone else I would want to be her godfather."

He wants to tell her that he's a better person because of her, but he doesn't. He pulls Susan into his arms. "What am I supposed to say to that?"

"Just say you will."

Sighing, he agrees. She beams up at him. "Thank you, Theo. It means a lot to me that you will do this for me."

"Anything for you, Susan," he whispers, but she doesn't hear it. But it doesn't need to be said anymore; they both know that Theodore will do anything for Susan – all she has to do is ask – because he loves her too much to say no. "It took you a while to decide on Hannah."

"Yeah, I wanted to name her after my Aunt, but Jonathon didn't want to. He believes that it would have brought back bad memories by doing that. Hannah's a family name on his side, though," she adds. "So it makes him happy."

Theodore just listens to her ramble, realizing that this girl means more to him that anyone else.

**A/n – This was written for the One Hour Challenge on HPFC, but I had two hours to write twenty-five hundred words. I think I made deadline. I'm not sure. **

_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


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